I am 4 weeks into my youngest son’s freshman year. I feel like I’ve been around the world multiple times in the last few weeks. I know I’m not the only one who has nervous anticipation seeing their last child navigate life through high school, especially as a freshman.
Our first few weeks have been rocky to say the least. My husband & I have been in thoughtful, meaningful conversation over the last year as we decided which high school was going to be the best for our youngest child. We went as far as to travel out of state in search of what we thought was going to be the best for him. Each step along the way we’ve included our son in the conversation. This is definitely a far cry from what my parents would have done. However, parenting 40+ years ago is significantly different from what happens today.
We finally settled on a school, got the uniforms and all the supplies needed for the first day of class.
Every day when I picked my son up, I asked him how his day was. “Good” was usually the only response. As much as I cajoled and tried to ask him about his new school, he was distant and non-engaging. What have we done wrong? My son who is normally outgoing, friendly and charismatic, had suddenly gone into a shell. I had never seen him like this in his entire life.
At the end of 3 weeks, we collectively made the hard decision to enroll him in the school he is zoned to go to. He’s one week into his new school and seems to be adapting well. As we went through the process of moving from one school to another, it was important to ensure we were all on the same page.
Here are a few things I learned in the process of us coming to our decision:
Find the middle ground ⚖️
- Sometimes we get it wrong as a parent. But changing course quickly and recognizing what isn’t working is best for all parties involved. Always look for the win-win where both can walk away feeling satisfied.
Respect Is Key 🗝️
- Listen to your kids. Open and honest communication is what teenagers are looking for to feel heard and understood. Take time to listen, don’t speak. Listen to their nonverbal and verbal communication. This helps to build trust and strengthen your relationship with them. Your teen is more likely to open up to you if they feel respected.
Understand Your Teen’s Perspective 👀
- Try to understand what your teen really wants. Empower them with the ability to make a decision about what they want. This is a life skill and helps him to feel confident and secure in what is decided.
Be a Positive Role Model 🤝
- Teenagers are watching and learning from your behavior, so make sure you model the values and behaviors you want to see in them. This can help them develop a strong sense of self and a positive outlook on life. Managing your own emotions demonstrates to them how to manage their own emotions.
Set clear boundaries and expectations 🚧
- Teenagers need structure and guidance, so make sure you establish clear rules and expectations for their behavior. This can help them feel more secure and confident in their decisions. Setting clear boundaries lets them know how far they can go without causing any problems.
Negotiating with teenagers isn’t always easy. They are navigating a whole host of emotions and thought processes. Engaging our son in healthy dialogue helped us all know what we expected from him as he transitioned from one school to the next.
What tips do you have when you’ve negotiated with your teenager? Share in the comments below.